Back then in Malaysia when I was in high school, I attended many courses and seminars on how to improve my emotional quotient (EQ). By attending those, I felt that I am more than a usual me. In some sense that I am more easy-going, do not throw emotion easily, and a more confident person. By improving myself, my social circle is growing wider, and more friends approach me as I received compliments that I am approachable, kind and helpful.
There was one particular interpersonal conflict that was still fresh in my mind. I was having my last year study in high school when that incident occurred. One day, my friends and I were going nuts. We were acting childish and started to play chasing game. There was one classmate (I shall refer him to "T") was not in a good mood. I was still playing the chasing game and I didn't notice T walking out of classroom. By the door, I knocked into him. I thought he knocked into me purposely, and so I stared at him. He glared at me too, thinking that I was at fault at the same time. After that, I didn't really care about it, as it was just small matter. I thought that it was time to stop this nonsense, so I stopped playing. I got back to my chair and continued my studies. T continued his glaring at me, and once a while angrily he pushed his chair around. The other classmates actually saw that scene, and they also felt that it was T's fault that he was trying to "ambush" me because of a personal matter. I doubted it. For quite a number of days, my classmates started ignoring T and boycotted him in class. Being observant, I observed that abnormalities in class. I actually didn't mean it when I came to my sense, but I was the type that couldn't express myself properly. I was feeling sorry that he was treated that way.
About 3 weeks after the incident, my closest female classmates W, advised me to talk to T personally. I was quite surprised that he actually wanted to discussed the incident with me directly. We chose one early morning to talk about the incident. T originally had a scary appearance (facial gesture) and I didn't really talk much. W had a good communication skill, so she helped me to explain the actual situation. I did explain the situation and T explained to me in his usual scary facial gesture, with high and fierce tone. I knew that I have to apologize to him, since it was my fault for causing such misunderstanding. I apologized to him sincerely, and gave him a handshake to indicate the ending of this small incident.
From this incident, I knew that I shouldn't let my emotion sway around, causing such disgrace and misunderstanding. That's where emotional intelligence in effective communication comes in. I may not be a good communicator, but I always apologize whenever I knock into someone, or someone knock into me. It doesn't matter who is at fault, as long as we maintain the concept of peace and also do not stir up the relationship.If emotional intelligence is greatly promoted, would you think that conflicts can be reduced and this world will become a better world?
Jun Lin,
ReplyDeleteI'm having some difficulties in understanding the conflict involved. The sentence structure doesn't flow well for example:
"so my friends and I were particularly crazy one day and started to play around childishly. "
"one classmate of mine (I shall refer him to "T") was not in a good mood."
"and so I glared at him. glared at me as well, thinking that I was at fault at the same time. "
It'll be good if you can have someone to help you proof-read :) I will be back to comment again when you've revised your post :)
@Zhing
ReplyDeleteOh there was one typing mistake, but I guess it is probably that I didn't express myself really well, anyway I edited the post. Thanks for pointing out mistake.
Jun Lin,
ReplyDeleteYour choice of conflict reminded me of the "gangsters" in my secondary school where a glare or accidental glance could put you in fear. Its very significant from the non verbal cues that there's tension between T and you. I guess it worsen when T got ostracized. But luckily for you, W helped mediate the conflict.
Personally, I feel that promoting emotional intelligence will not necessary reduce conflicts. Like what Ingersoll said "Anger blows out the lamp of the mind", emotions are spontaneous and we can hurt one another. I feel the key thing is how we deal with the aftermath. The outcome from resolving a conflict more than make up for the ugly side of it.
Hey Jun lin,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. I guess when a conflict does happen, there are only 2 endings. The problem is either solved or unsolved. When it comes to an argument, there are many types of people in this world:
1. The ones with big ego who refuse to apologise or give in even though they know they are at fault.
2. The ones who realise their mistakes and are willing to apologise.
3. The peace-loving ones that know they are not in the wrong but give in to the other party.
I admire how you are able swallow your pride and give in to the situation to solve the conflict and save your friendship. (Are you guys still friends? Haha. ) For some like me, if I know I am not at fault, I don't see why I should apologise to the other party. Unless, there comes a situation when something important is at stake (e.g. A friendship that I wouldn't want to lose), I will let go of my pride and give in.
If emotional intelligence is being promoted, more people in the world will have better control of their emotions. People will be able to think of the consequences and consider the feelings of others before deciding on an action. Many a times, conflicts arise when we act without thinking. So perhaps if people have a better hold of their emotions, the world will be much more peaceful.
@Zhing
ReplyDeleteSo what you're trying to say is that, we can only deal with the consequence of our actions. I am thinking that if people have better control over their emotions, things won't turn out bad, thus conflicts can really be prevented.
@Joanna
I guess I am the third one (*laugh), because I feel that it is not necessary to create fights over a split milk, and it will just make things worse, unless that person holds his pride in strong sense. Like what you said, if both parties have a better hold of their emotions, there will be no such thing called "conflict".